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Back to work chaos

Well what a first week back it has been. I’m still reeling from the last seven days and yet I also don’t have that “back to work” feeling. I think the glorious sunshine has had something to do with it or maybe it’s because routine hasn’t set in just yet.

After a really successful trial week in the creche, it all went pear-shaped last week when poor baby S got a terrible bout of gastro-enteritis which lasted a full seven days and involved one visit to the out of hours doctor; one late night trip to the children’s hospital; a very hot uncomfortable exhausted little baby who couldn’t keep a thing down and whose little body just kept retching involunatarily long after his stomach was empty; and a very tired mum and dad who managed to keep the show on the road but with only a 50 per cent attendance at work. It was tough going but we made it to the end of the week. Routine and order were flung out the window in favour of little monkey cuddles and cold sponge baths. I think every towel in the house is piled up on the floor waiting to be folded after more than one post-vomity spin in the machine.

The baby is very much on the mend now but quickly forgot about his week in the crèche and is very upset with us these last couple of days. It’s oh so very hard to hand him to someone else, albeit a wonderfully competent and warm crèche worker, and have to walk away…

Being back at work in itself is strange. I’ve been gone for so long but everything feels exactly the same. I almost wish it felt different because I feel different. I’ve had this monumental change in my life where there’s a new little human and I’m his mama but it turns out nothing’s changed for everyone else! It’s a bit disheartening at the moment but maybe that’s because this is all new. I had a light bulb moment yesterday at my desk where I suddenly asked myself what I was doing here? Not in a “I should be home with my baby way” (I do feel that too) but in a “am I doing justice to my son, my skills, my abilities, my hopes, my dreams by doing this job right here right now?” way. Should I be pursuing passion and excellence? If I’m going to work and be away from my baby, should the work be really meaningful and worthy of consuming my family’s time? Or then again, do I need to embrace this wonderfully flexible and supportive workplace I’m in – regardless of the individual work that I do – and take advantage of it to the benefit of my family, at least for the foreseeable future?

This is just what is running through my head at the moment and perhaps it’s fleeting as I settle back in. But maybe there’s something stirring in me. Time will tell I suppose…

 

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3 thoughts on “Back to work chaos”

  1. Four months. That’s how long it took me to feel as though I had settled back into work. Everyone told me that I’d be settled back after a week or two – and in a way that was true. Within a few days I felt as though I’d never left. But it took me four months to accept that I was back at work. Perhaps coincidentally it also took about four months before Little Man stopped getting sick every two weeks. (He got sick every four weeks instead for a while!). I don’t envy you. It’s such a hard transition – for all of you. Perhaps if the weather stays nice it will make it easier though. It was winter when I went back – cold and dark and miserable! 🙂

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