California-based Stay At Home Dad of 3 and blogger, Daily Destructo has taken up a challenge by fellow Dad blogger, Go Dad Go, to write an honest account of a man’s perspective on post-baby sex in response to my post earlier this week. Well thank God he did, because this fantastic insight is a must-read for nervous new parents and parents-to-be everywhere. This man has been there three times – he knows what he’s talking about! Take it away Daily Destructo…
When you are expecting your first child, people tell you all kinds of stories about your future sex life. Some are told with a heavy dose of humor, a bit of truth with heaping helping of the Brothers Grimm. Others tell you horror stories of a lack of sex drive, not finding the time, or things not being the same as they were before.
Well, they can both be right. And they can both be wrong.
My wife and I have three children together, so we have experienced this a few times ourselves. After the birth of our first child, we made it about four, maybe five weeks before attempting the deed. Unfortunately, a single stitch that refused to dissolve thwarted our plans. A week or so later, and a doctor visit to remove the stitch, we made a second attempt.
Were things different?
Of course, but did this make things bad? In this guys opinion: NO!
Things were far from bad, and according to my dear wife, she did not have any complaints either. Of course it wasn’t exactly the same with the other two births, but it was nothing we couldn’t handle with some good old fashioned talking things through.
As a man, you are bombarded with the idea that you must be a gold medalist of the bedroom Olympics. You should be James Bond, with a plan and a gizmo for every situation. No input from your Bond girl needed, you are a master of your craft, a bed levitating Guru. I don’t know about you, but I think I was out of town when the Bond lessons were scheduled. If you are like me, and you lack any relation to the great 007, just remember this:
Don’t take it personally if your best moves don’t work like they used to.
Take this opportunity to find brand new things that work. You can keep a positive attitude, and hopefully have a bit of fun experimenting with new things, or you can convince yourself that things will never be the same again, and make sex miserable for the both of you. I admit there were times when option two sounded like the reality, but my awesome spouse helped convince me to keep fighting the good fight.
Its easy to assume that you somehow lost your ability, or your skills. Or that your wife is no longer attracted to you. We are guys, of course we assume the worst. This is our bedroom prowess we are talking about here. This is serious business!
If you and your partner are expecting a child, just keep in mind that post baby sex is a lot like pregnancy sex. Things that worked before may not work now, its not you, or your partner, its biology and physiology. Your partners body has changed, maybe a lot, maybe just a little. Don’t take it personally, take it in stride, and start finding out what works. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, you might just get rewarded with good answers.
Daily Destructo blogs about the chronicles of daily life with his kids, and all the little twists that parenthood throws at you. When shaving becomes an afterthought, PB&J is considered a food group, and spending the day in his boxers doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Go have a read at www.dailydestructo.com
While you’re at it, check out new Irish Daddy blogger on the block, Go Dad Go.
I think it’s so important to hear fathers’ perspectives. We’re all in this together after all – it’s good to know what the other half think!