Top 5 things my toddler says to make me curse under my breath

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So I’ve observed a pattern in my own behaviour as an MOT (mam to toddler – just made that up, do you like it?). He uses a number of phrases that instantly make me mutter under my breath. Nothing to do with him of course, he’s having a great old time and just telling me what he thinks. But I hear them all before and I’ve seen what happens next, so I suppose that’s the bit that’s making me swear. And yet I find myself going along with them anyway. I put this down to being a total sucker, but that’s a blogpost for another day. “What could they be?” you wonder. In no particular order, we have…

Let’s play chasing!

Ah! What’s wrong with chasing? It’s a lovely game. Good exercise for everyone, always lots of laughs, fresh air in the lungs etc…Yes, yes and yes. Except of course when “let’s play chasing” means running in circles around the kitchen table and then up and down the hall, usually as an avoidance technique before bedtime or having your nappy changed. The first five minutes are always great craic but it would be an unusual event if it didn’t descend into hysterics after a little head has cracked off a table, chair, wall, door handle or floor. But sure we’ll do it anyway! Sigh.

Let’s do spinning!

What can I say? The child loves to spin. This involves two very specific activities and nearly always to the soundtrack of the Mickey Mouse March which must be blaring and on repeat. Activity one is the equivalent of an Irish set dance move, where we hold each other’s hands like a handshake and then spin around until mama starts to feel a bit sick so then we switch around and change direction. This is my pseudo-scientific way of believing I am balancing out the dizziness by reversing the earlier revolutions. It doesn’t work.

Activity two involves me holding both of his hands and spinning around so his legs lift off the floor like a chair-o-plane. He LOVES this.

I am currently the only adult in our house who is prepared to “do spinning”, this includes visitors who have been asked to partake. What kind of sucker am I? (A dizzy one)

I’ll push the buggy/trolley

This can easily be translated into “throw the timetable out the window there mama, we’re on a go-slow”. The only way to tackle this is to submit completely. The shopping will get done eventually and we will finally get home but there’ll be plenty of backtracking and many shouts of “look out for the lady!” and “watch where you’re going!”. Collisons are par for the course. It goes without saying that this is only an option if we’re not under any proper time pressure, rather than the perceived kind. If we’re racing the clock, an obligatory tantrum will need to be factored in here.

I’m making a mess!

This declaration is never untrue. It’s just a matter of what class of a mess it is exactly. There’s a selection to choose from – dry (yay!), wet (manageable) and my least favourite, sticky.

I’m not tired!

When this phrase is uttered, we can safely assume that exactly the opposite is true. It’s also a good indication that the mother of all exhausted tantrums will feature fairly soon. Out of all five phrases, it’s the one that makes me realise I had my eye off the ball and he should have been in bed 20 minutes ago! Silly mama!

Any favourite phrases that make you balk in your house?

8 thoughts on “Top 5 things my toddler says to make me curse under my breath”

  1. We ve yet to hit the magical toddler talking phase yet with actual sentences but the phrase from Mini I most dread is when we’re in the car and she bellows “down!” in an effort to get me to somehow release her from the car seat whilst I’m driving the car!

  2. One that will come soon for ye, I’m sure.

    “Mammy, I had an accident. Doesn’t matter”

    Today, in the middle of the playground. Just wasn’t bothered getting off the slide and finding a toilet 🙂

  3. Ah yes, my 4 year old often uses the last one while yawning after bedtime stories (my answer is usually ‘why don’t you just lay in bed while your brother goes to sleep and I’ll come check on you when he’s asleep’ but I don’t bother checking, because she’s usually asleep before he is!) If it happens before stories then like you we’ve got it wrong and there will be tears.

What do you think?