The Duchess of Cambridge emerged from the doors of the Lindo Wing of St. Mary’s Hospital in London today to greet the international press just hours after giving birth to her baby girl. The royal baby had arrived! She looked resplendent. Her hair, make up, outfit were all fabulous. She even donned a pair of high heels. She was a picture of new mother health and wellness, with that glow of “look what I did!” as she held her newborn and waved to the hordes of waiting photographers.
Fair play to her. It is an unusual cross that she, and most other female celebrities, have to bare, following the much anticipated and media-hyped birth of their children. While I wouldn’t have said no to a hairdresser, a stylist and a make up artist arriving at my door in the hours after I gave birth, the idea of having to step up and bring it for the media fills me with the absolute horrors! Kate, Beyonce, Kim, even our own lovely Jennifer Maguire and Pippa O’Connor have my deepest respect. While the rest of us embrace the jersey, elasticated waists and jammies, these ladies are doing what they have to do to provide for their families or in the Duchess’ case, performing her royal duties.
It does make me wonder though, what kinds of conversations happen just before stepping on stage, so to speak. I mean, they have just had a baby so obviously there are some “technicalities” that might need a work around. I’m imagining some of these conversations happening:
1. Now, I’ve the two maternity pads in. Could I get away with three, do you reckon? Or would there be a bit of pokage out the back there? (“Does my maternity pad look too big in this?” – nah, too obvious)
2. How much time is “just enough” time without it looking like I’m trying to run away? Cos I’ve had that first pee alright but I can’t feel my pelvic floor so we’re on the clock here.
3. Can we get some ice in here? The right foot is in okay but we’re gonna need some intervention to get the left one on.
4. We need to get some new breast pads, stat. It looks like there’s two headlights trying to make a break for it in this dress. These ones aren’t working for me. What about the tommee tippees? Or some cloth ones?
5. The blue one, the green one or the yellow and white one? Definitely patterned anyway. DEFINITELY. Will hide a multitude and distract from any “leakage”. The blue one! No, the yellow and white one. (The yellow and white one, really? I’m mean it’s beautiful. But it’s a gamble…)
6. Who’s got the water? Have you got the water? Okay, you’ll need to stand just inside the door and make sure there’s some waiting in the car. I’m bleedin parched.
7. Will I have to sit down? We might need to practice that. Also, will I have to get up again? We’ll need to practice that too.
8. More concealer. No, more. Bit more. And some highlighter. We’ll need some waterproof mascara over here too. Contouring? Yes!
9. The slippers are in the car, right?
10. Go for it with the big hair there. Yes, lots of volume. Bit of a backcomb at the crown there too. It’ll make my face look a bit less swelly.
What did I miss?
Cover photo credit: REUTERS/Neil Hall