Having uttered the phrase “let me smell your breath” on at least three occasions this week, I’ve realised that it might be possible to chart a small human’s life to adulthood through one liners from their parents about smells.
“Let me smell your breath” is our current phrase while trying to instil a twice daily toothbrushing habit. Nights we have in the bag, but first thing in the morning seems to be a harder nut to crack. “Let me smell your breath” is like a reflex to “I did mam!” and is a very effective polygraph.
“Let me smell your hands” is its precursor which worked beautifully tackling a similar hygiene issue last year, post potty training.
But Christ I’ve been sniffing that child since the day he was born. Good smells and bad smells. My timeline chart is all about the bad ones though.
It’ll probably look something like this:
“Let me smell your bum”
“Let me smell your hands”
“Let me smell your breathe”
“Is that smell your feet?”
“I can smell your gym bag from here”
“What is that smell?”
“Your room smells like something died in there”
“Too much aftershave, buddy”
“Do I smell smoke?”
“Your protein shake sports cup thingy has been sitting on the counter for two days now and smells like crap”
“Your breath stinks of beer”
“Terrible whiff of bullshit in here”
“Do I smell hash?”
“I smell a rat”
“Oh these flowers smell amazing”
Potentially 18 to 26 years there, right? Did I miss one?