Tag Archives: fathering

I heart my baby daddy

It is not his birthday. It is not our anniversary. It’s not a special occasion. It’s just a regular old Tuesday, like any other Tuesday. Like any other day.

Our lives are made up of regular old days when nothing special happens and everyone is just getting on with it, so this is the day to dedicate a post to my baby daddy. Just a regular old day is exactly when his praises should be sung from the rooftops because he is special always, not just on special days.

If I had to pick a daddy for my babies, which funnily enough I did, it would be this guy. But I didn’t pick him to be a father, I picked him because he is an incredible man. A beautiful man, in mind and body. An intelligent, thoughtful, passionate, creative, talented, loving, strong, focused, disciplined, bloody-minded, hilarious, geeky, pensive, calm man. Who I didn’t actually pick of course because it doesn’t work that way. Our paths crossed and then aligned, so here we are.

He is a wonderful father who cares deeply about his fathering. He knows how important he is to his son, and the influence he has and will have on his life, and he reflects that in their relationship and their interaction. He is a champion roughhouser – as daddies should be – and has an innate sense of how much playacting is just enough to tip boundaries for both fun and development, but not too much that anyone gets hurt! He is empathetic, intuitive and a huge source of comfort to our son when he’s not well or upset or hurt. He has a childlike sense of humour, which translates into antics that fill our house with peels of laughter on a daily basis. He’s our disciplinarian, firm but fair.

When the chips are down, he’s there holding the fort, the family, the child. He’s an action man, ready to spring at a moment’s notice. He is the best multitasker I have ever met, particularly when it comes to the child/cooking/cleaning combo and puts me to deep shame on a regular basis when sometimes everything looks worse than when he left it if I’m in charge. He’s a gentle educator, teaching our son small but important things through play, each and every day. He is a natural. As a family, we are truly blessed that he is a part of us.

I love him more than words can say. His son loves him without the words to say. They are buddies as only the kindred spirits of fathers and sons can be.

He almost sounds too good to be true. But he is true and very, very real. Sometimes, no scratch that, a lot of the time, in the regularity of the regular old days, sometimes I forget to tell him. Even though my heart and soul know it and the core of my very being knows it without having to think about it, sometimes these things need to be said out loud.

He’s one in a billion.

baby daddy copyright Mind the Baby blog www.mindthebaby.ie I heart my baby daddy I heart my baby daddy.

Dragon Mamas revisited

It’s been over a week since my original post Dragon Mamas? A Dad’s Perspective where I suggested that perhaps I needed to mull over this topic in a calm, measured way and come back with a considered response. I was afraid if I responded immediately, I would just fly off the handle so I gave you the polite holding statement. Now that I’ve let it simmer, I’m ready to step firmly off that handle because even after a few days I still feel the same…

…it’s an outrageous, offensive, misogynistic thing to say really, isn’t it? That a lot of women turn into dragons after they’ve had children.

Copyright Mind The Baby

I know women who are dragons, who went on to have children, and are in fact still dragons but that’s not the same thing.

I know women who were dragons, who mellowed considerably in motherhood.

I know women who had babies, and then got a terrible shock when they discovered that their partner thought that his life could stay the same and she would have to adapt to all the life changes having a baby brings by herself.

I know men who refuse to help their partners with childcare in the evenings when they come in from work because they believe they are entitled to “a rest” after a hard day in the office. In fact I feel sorry for these particular men because their babies’ childhoods are disappearing before their eyes (or behind their backs, as the case may be) and they’re missing out on such joy. I also wonder what kind of relationship these men expect to have with their children as they move into adulthood and will they be surprised when friction arises?

I know a huge number of loving, involved, nurturing men who are passionate partners and fathers.

I know that being a mother is one of the most incredible things that a woman can experience, if it’s an experience she wants, but I also think it’s possibly one of the loneliest jobs in the world. Because no one else in your child’s life thinks like a mama, do they?

Mothers sense danger first. Mothers wake when their babies wake. Mothers whose babies are sleeping through the night for the first time, or the first time in ages, sometimes lie awake with their minds working on overdrive, planning, thinking, worrying, when they really should be sleeping too. Mothers walk the floors with their upset or sick small babies for hours into the night so that their partners can rest for work the next day. Mothers hold and soothe and feed their babies in the dark knowing they have to be up for work themselves in an hour or two. Mothers wash and clean and cook and fold and vacuum and iron and study up when they should pause and rest, even for a minute. Sometimes – maybe not often, maybe all the time – mothers are exhausted.

Dragon slayers, don’t belittle your partners behind their backs. Don’t ask yourself why you think the woman you love’s behaviour has changed.

Ask her. She might tell you.

Listen to her.

Do I sound angry? That’s because I am. It’s always more complicated than that. “She turned into a dragon when she had her babies”. Give me a break.